Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
