Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ok first of all what the fuck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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