I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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