sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
