Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
