i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
