Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
