Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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