I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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