I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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