So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
