You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
