i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
