I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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