Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
