i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
