So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
