im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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