i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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