forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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