it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
