There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
