return my video game
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
