She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
