You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
