That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
