i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
