he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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