Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
