If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
