508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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