Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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