youre lurking in front of me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
