Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
