marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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