I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
