This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She even gives head with a lisp.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
