Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
