btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
