So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
