It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
