Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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