Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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