i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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