Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
