What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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