dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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