I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
