ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
