i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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