hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
