Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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