Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
