he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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