Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
