Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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