he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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