forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
