Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
